All posts Reading time: 6 minutes

The waitress of the universe


He unlocked a few possibilities for me. He gave me the gifts I asked for and set me to work. It was weird and scary, yet also lively and joyful. He knew all my flaws and asked why I wasn't doing what I was supposed to: "Why I wasn't happy? Why it wasn't enough?" It was harsh to hear, but still, I heard because he was peaceful and kind. Like asking a friend how he/she truly feels about something trivial. While listening to him, I lost myself in the realization that, like all the people I dislike, I avoid difficult conversations. He knew my anger and fears. Moreover, he knew exactly how I used those feelings to perpetuate my resistance to those difficult conversations. The ones that could lead me to change and improve. 

He approached me while I sat on a bench mid-afternoon, looking at the canal. He sat by my side in silence. There was a bunch of boats in front of us. One of them was named Gandalf. He looked at me, pointed at the boat and said: "Look at the name." Long, dramatic pause. "I'm the one!" Then I felt it in my bones. I knew him! He was The one. The healer I've seen in my dreams. My guide. The architect of the matrix. The sly one. King David and the devil. Yin Yang. He knew I was alive by God's choice and that I could only be killed by God's will. Nothing he could do about it himself. He asked about my dreams and aspirations. And I told him what was on my mind, even feeling like he already knew it all. After that, I felt like I gained new eyes, ears and hands. I saw I had multiple gifts already, and he showed me how to use them. Guided me, rookie style. Since I was born, that was his job. That is why I knew his presence. The gift he was giving me that day was an experience. The personal encounter I was waiting for so long. Now, I was ready to use all my gifts. So I could perfect them. For him. Because he was the one. The one who gives and the one who takes. And yes, he would need them back someday. That is the way of things. 

I received his words, and then he asked: "Where will you go now, my friend?" I said: "Home. It was a crazy afternoon, and I must process all that." However, I was feeling sick and confused. Unable to think how I would get home. "Where was home anyways?" I was wondering. I had received a bunch that day, and now I was filled with conflicting emotions. I needed more time to take that in. Nothing had changed, yet everything looked different, better. So I asked him to walk me to the subway station. He agreed, and while we walked, I appreciated the moment. He was walking by my side, pointing me the way. The day was bright, and the Sun was making a majestic appearance despite the dark clouds in the sky. Lots of people were on the streets. It was almost sunset. I was feeling so grateful for the Sun. It was raining earlier that day, and now this was happening. It reminded me of the first time I flew through a storm on an airplane: The bumpy ascend. Turbulence. Surrendering to fear. Feeling filled with joy after passing the darkness and seeing that the Sun was bright and shiny up there the whole time. All that within a few minutes. What a miracle! What a life! 

Halfway through our walk, he looked at me and said: "Life is chaotic, I know, but it is also fun." Minutes later, two girls on one of those small 2-seat cars got out of the street through the curb and headed our way. We had to deviate a bit. They were clearly wrong, but they didn't care! I was a bit annoyed for having to clear the way, but then I saw both girls laughing in the car, looking at us while passing by. They were having a good time, and the joy was contagious. I looked at my friend, and we laughed simultaneously. We hugged as we reached the subway station and said our goodbyes. I was mostly happy. I had to enjoy life now. That was the only choice. But I was also scared of all that: I wondered if I could do it. If I could be happy with what I have. It was a troubling thought. I guess we are all troubled by it sometimes. I surely was.

Indeed, God works in mysterious ways. I had just seen the devil with my own eyes. He was God's shadow. He looked like my fears encarnated. Blurring my vision of God. Like my eyes can't glare at the Sun. They can't also flash at God's image without burning. Inevitably, to see God, I needed some shades. The entity I met was the waitress of the universe, God's most faithful servant. The one who delivers God's will to me. The one who will remain trapped here till the end of time, serving. Finally, I was approached by him. Finally, I felt like I could serve God. Finally, I felt like I understood life. I wasn't going to be so easily deviated from my path anymore. I felt like I had made the right choice, the only choice. I decided to become his disciple. Embracing the mission of being myself. An artist. A weirdo. A useless creator. A delusional, happy bastard. A human mindful of his own shit. Master of both worlds. A son of a bitch with a smile. An astronaut. A lunatic.